Seeing Myself

It's Friday night and I'm sitting downstairs on the laptop listening to Luke on his baby monitor. It's bedtime for him. He's been changed, fed, and lovingly swaddled to bed by his awesome Dad. Unfortunately, he is not asleep. Between the wailing of whales from his SleepSheep I can hear him talk to himself. Oh my little Nurple (that's one of many nicknames we have for him). He's not crying at all, just laying in his crib talking and every now and then a sigh. I'm resisting the urge to run up stairs and cuddle him to sleep, so instead I'm cuddling my blog, briefly.

It's been a tiring but oh so rewarding 3 months. They say the newborn stage is one of the toughest and I concur. The constant worrying and the feeling that you are swimming in the dark all the time is not as fun as it sounds (oh maybe it's a little fun). Thankfully I've discovered the magical power of Mother's groups. The support and the adult companionship (even if it's for a few hours) has been so helpful and rewarding. It gives me a reason to wear nice clothes (anything other than my workout clothes or sweatpants), do my hair, and *gasp* maybe apply makeup!

But when things get tough I always have this saying in the back of my head, " The days are long, but the years are short". Nothing reminds me more of how short time really is than his photos; his many, many photos! Taken every single day. Enough that I can print them all out and make a flip book!

I truly treasure every single picture I have of him because when I was born there were no pictures taken.

The earliest picture of myself that exist of me was when I was about two. It was taken with a film camera with 10+ members of my family in Thailand. Among all the adults stood this tiny little girl in pigtails in a white shirt and red sweat pants hiding in her Mom's shadow. You can barely make out my face. Not another photo would be taken again until a couple of years later when we were on our way to this great place called America.

Remembering this I feel truly blessed that I'm able to make memories not only for my son but for all my clients and friends. I see my missing photos in all the babies and children that I shoot.

I especially see myself in the little baby upstairs who is now sound asleep among the soft sounds of the whales.